Monday, June 30, 2008

Sit 'n Spin








In the Ozarks of Arkansas we loop into the Petite Jean Forest, pronounced locally as “petty jeen.” We take a small footpath to the Bear Cave, apparently where a bear met its end a long time ago. It’s a fun collection of rocks now and we loop back to the car – yep – twenty minutes later.

On the Blue Ridge Parkway in North Carolina the kids and I pile out of the car when we see a suspended footbridge over a small river. Three steps out and the boards begin to creak ominously and the bridge begins to sway to the right. I glance to the left and see a small sign that says “do not intentionally sway bridge.” I think I wet my pants a little bit. Steve has left with the car to pick us up on the other end, so we press on. I make the kids spread out along the length of the bridge to distribute our weight, but let’s face it, I’m the only one who weighs enough to plunge to my death a few hundred feet, so screw it. The kids think it’s pretty cool that there are turtles below. And, twenty minutes later – you guessed it, back in the car!

Somewhere in Pennsylvania we stayed at a budget hotel. We should have known better when there was no elevator and we had to lug our bags up a flight of stairs to reach the “no pets” rooms. In the morning Collin awoke with a tick trying to bury its head in his abdomen. The clerk at the desk suggested that we must have brought it in with us, like a snack or some souvenir from our prior day’s journey. She probably wanted to charge us extra for bringing a pet. Anyway, the next 3 hours in the car with a cell phone brought on a new fresh hell for her as we engaged in: The Pennsylvania Health Department Showdown!

Call 1: Pennsylvania State Health Department who didn’t know who inspected hotels for sanitation and sent us to the Food Safety Department because the hotel also had a restaurant.

Call 2: Pennsylvania Department of Food Safety who didn’t know who was pretty sure no one at the state level inspected hotels for sanitation but suggested we talk to the Lancaster County Department of Health.

Call 3: Lancaster County Department of Health who didn’t know who was pretty sure no one at the county level inspected hotels for sanitation and sent us to the Lancaster City Board of Health.

Call 4: Lancaster City Board of Health where we left a message about ticks at a local hotel.

The next day a very nice woman from the Lancaster City Board of Health called and left a lengthy message. She said she had an illness in her family and would get back to us the following Monday and asked were we “sure it wasn’t a bed bug?” as if that would make a difference. Does it matter? Maybe not, but it does go to show you that sometimes, no matter what you do, you sit ‘n spin.

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